First Impressions and Second Chances
by PhantomEngineer
Summary: In which a magical trip through fiction makes Severus wonder if maybe he's being a little harsh in his judgement of the Marauders, and maybe it would be fair to extend an olive branch of peace to give them a second chance. Canon compliant. Rather silly. Severus has some nasty thoughts about virtually everyone as he negotiates Netherfield and the surrounding areas.
1. Chapter 1

Severus considered his surroundings. He was fairly confident he had been reading in a secluded corner of the Hogwarts library. This was most definitely not the Hogwarts library. He was still reading, just now he was outside. He was also wearing a dress. It was still a book of poems in his hands. He closed it and looked around. This seemed like a prank by the Marauders. He wasn't quite sure what the point of it was, given that he appeared to be entirely alone. A dress wasn't even that different from robes, really. He was aware at this stage that most purebloods couldn't reliably tell the difference. It was, however, most definitely a dress. An old-fashioned dress.

He looked down at himself and noted that he also appeared to have breasts. It seemed rather advanced for fifth years. He wondered idly if maybe the book of poems had been cursed. He gave some consideration to his genitalia. It made no sense for the Marauders to have changed him into a woman, put him in a dress and then not be around to do something. With no other option, he continued walking the way he had been heading before he became aware of his location. He seemed to be lacking his wand, in more ways than one, but he felt he was taking this revelation remarkably well.

He arrived at a reasonably sized house, considerably grander than the poky house in Spinner's End. He could hear laughter from inside. He hesitated for a moment, then headed in to the yard.

"Severus!" a familiar voice cried out, and he saw Lily giving him a wave from the doorway. She, like him, was wearing an old-fashioned empire-line dress. While his was a plain brown, hers was a pale blue. She was still a woman, a thought he'd never previously considered thinking before. Somehow, it seemed like a relevant point to note.

"Have you been out walking and reading again?" Lily asked with a playful smile, "Just when there's something worth gossiping about. What am I to do when my most sensible sister is gone?" she took his hand and drew him inwards.

Sister, Severus considered. He had always thought of her as a sister, but he'd never previously seen himself as her sister. Either the Marauders had crafted an incredibly complicated spell or he had been reading a cursed poetry book. A distant part of his brain was impressed. Another section of his brain wanted to know how he could undo it and get back home.

Lily drew him towards two other girls, younger than he or Lily, who were giggling in the drawing room.

"Severus, have you heard?" one of them cried out in delight. In the background, another girl was ignoring all the commotion and playing the piano. Her name was Mary, but Severus would only learn that later. The music was rather soothing, but Severus did also have an extremely limited knowledge of the piano and subsequently very little taste in classical music.

"Of course she hasn't, she's been walking," Lily replied, "Honestly Lydia,"

Severus noted the name. These three would appear to be his other sisters.

"There's a new tenant at Netherfield!" the other girl, who Severus would later discover was called Kitty, exclaimed.

"Mr Potter," Lily supplied, to Severus's considerable horror. Either the horror didn't show in his reactions, or no one noticed, because the conversation continued regardless. This situation was connected to the Marauders. Somehow. He wasn't just being paranoid.

Lily, judging by her demeanour, was entirely oblivious to the fact that she was supposed to be at Hogwarts, that Potter was a toerag and that Severus was generally speaking considered to be a boy. The fact that he and Lily looked nothing alike, and that neither of them looked particularly like the three girls who were allegedly their sisters was another minor detail that helped suggest to Severus that his memories of Hogwarts were real and that this was a bizarre illusion.

Potter, it would appear, was considered just as rich and handsome here as he had been considered at Hogwarts. It was almost sickening. In a confused daze, Severus passively let the situation wash over him. He appeared to be entirely helpless to do anything. It was probably a strange dream, he reasoned. He'd wake up soon. That was what he told himself over the next few days, as each morning he awoke in the bed he shared with Lily and the house grew more and more excited about the upcoming ball to be held in the town. It was with this confused acceptance that he allowed himself to be dressed up nicely, with Lily braiding his hair into what she assured him was a very fetching and stylish fashion.

The hall was decorated sparsely, and crammed full of men and women dressed in what was undoubtably their finest clothing. Severus was wearing a very fetching green dress, with ribbons in his hair. It was not a look he had ever worn before, but Lily had assured him that he was beautiful and that all the men would be clamouring for his hand in marriage. Severus wasn't entirely convinced he wanted that, but he'd accepted the compliment for what it was worth. He still looked like himself. He had checked in a mirror. His hair was longer than it had been, long enough to be pinned up and laced through with ribbons. His face still featured a large hooked nose. He looked remarkably like himself, if he had been female. It was faintly disconcerting, but without magic or a clue to how to get home, Severus felt it best to just let whatever was happening play out. He was watching closely. The party seemed like a good opportunity, if Potter was there.

Interestingly, it would appear that his body, in addition to being female, knew how to dance. He danced a few dances with some men, and it was a pleasantly fun experience. Lily proved to be far more popular than he was, however. He could understand that, she was not only glowingly beautiful but also incredibly kind. That sort of goodness shone through in her radiant smile. It was one of the many things he loved about her. In a lull in the dancing, when both he and Lily were sitting by the sides watching the gaiety. Lily was laughing at some of his sarcastic jibes about the various people they could see and Severus was actually rather enjoying himself.

The attention of everyone in the hall suddenly went to the doorway, and so too did his gaze. There stood Potter and Black. They were older than his memories considered them to be, but then again so were he and Lily, though clearly not by as much. Both Potter and Black appeared to be resolutely male. They were by far the most well-dressed occupants of the hall. He tensed up, feeling vulnerable without his wand. He felt like this was whatever the prank had been leading up to, that in a few moments he would suffer some hideous humiliation at their hands.

They strode into the room. Nothing happened.

The dancing and the joy of the party resumed seamlessly as Lily dragged Severus along behind their parents. Severus went reluctantly, still convinced something awful was about to happen and feeling deeply exposed. He looked unwillingly at the two Marauders, and they looked back, no hint of recognition in their expressions.

Severus felt himself relax instantly. He let the introductions wash over him. He curtseyed neatly, sharing a slight wince with Lily at their mother. It would appear that she had a tendency towards not only being extraordinarily overdramatic within the confines of their home, but also tended towards being embarrassing in public. Potter, seemed to mostly ignore everything, focusing entirely on Lily, much as he had started to do back at Hogwarts. Lily, unlike the girl he had known at Hogwarts, accepted his requests for a dance with a smile.

Severus found himself sitting with girl from the neighbourhood, a perfectly pleasant woman named Charlotte who proved to have a decent sense of humour, watching warily as Lily danced a significant number of dances with Potter. It would appear that this Potter was not intending to do anything malicious, as he had merely given Severus a vague smile and nothing more, but Severus still found it hard to trust any of the Marauders. He also kept his eye out for Black, who mostly skulked about it the corner of the room, not dancing or speaking to anyone.

"Mr Black is rather handsome, isn't he?" Charlotte said, promptly demoting herself in Severus's estimations.

"Is he?" Severus answered petulantly. Sirius Black's looks were not something he particularly wanted to focus on. Good looks could not make up for the fact that he was an arrogant, bullying wanker.

Charlotte gave him a look, "He's rich," she added.

That, if anything, annoyed Severus more. He knew that Black was rich and handsome, that wasn't exactly news to him. Black was also a cockwomble but no one mentioned that because they were all blinded by the charm and cash flow. If he'd had the option of submerging Black in the deep-fat friers of the local chippy in Cokeworth and deep-frying him to death, he would have gladly done so. Lily would undoubtably disapprove of that sentiment and probably call him mean, but he didn't really care. He felt it was justified.

Potter, who had released Lily from his clutches for a brief rest, was standing with Black dangerously close to him and Charlotte. Close enough that they could hear their conversation.

"Isn't she just the most beautiful thing ever?" Potter was saying, "This is a rather remarkable ball, I'm really having quite a good time,"

"That," Black said grumpily, "Is because you are monopolising just about the only passable creature in the room. Dancing is so very common, especially when the selection of ladies is so miserably uninspiring,"

Severus and Charlotte shared offended looks. Severus wasn't entirely sure why he was offended, given that he was well aware of the fact that he was not particularly good looking, the fact that Black had made considerably more insulting remarks regarding his aforementioned lack of good looks and indeed the minor point that a part of him still resolutely held on to the belief that he was in fact a boy rather than a woman so shouldn't even be considering himself in the category of women-folk in the first place.

"Her sister was pleasant enough," Potter said, "Miss Severus, I think," and Severus was actually more offended by this than any insult. Being judged to be tolerably attractive by James Potter was not something he had ever imagined overhearing.

"She does not tempt me," Black replied dismissively, and Severus saw Charlotte's face contort in anger at the slight to Severus's feminine charms. Severus was incredibly impressed with the way in which he didn't leap up and whack Black over the head with the chair he was sitting on. Instead, he drew himself up and smiled resolutely at Charlotte.

"He's an arrogant toerag and I suspect I would rather be lit on fire than dance with him," he reassured Charlotte before she took too much offence on his behalf. He didn't like Black, and the casual insults Black was dishing out simply proved him to be right. Even if Black was not outright attacking him, he was still behaving like an overprivileged arse who was God's gift to women.

He thought the two Marauders had left, so was alarmed when Charlotte gave him a subtle kick and he looked up to find himself being asked to dance by Potter. His mind said no. His mind added in a few choice swear words, a rude hand gesture and a swift kick to the balls. His mouth, on the other hand, said yes. In the interests of general peace, his mind had to admit that it was the correct answer. Potter hadn't exactly done anything to him yet, to his knowledge.

The dance was not particularly enjoyable, as Severus spent the vast majority of the time waiting for Potter to trip him up or do something nasty. But to his confusion and surprise, Potter lead him in a gentlemanly fashion, with an almost idiotically cheerful smile. Severus had discovered that he liked dancing. Black, he concluded with little difficulty, was clearly an absolute moron. Potter was potentially less awful than he had initially assumed, though it was still early days.

He was not, however, particularly impressed with how quickly Lily appeared to be smitten with Potter.

"You're too nice," he told her pointedly, as they whispered to each other under the covers of the bed they shared, "You think well of everyone,"

It was true. He did admire Lily's ability to see the best in everyone, but the idea of her seeing all of the good in Potter without knowing the bad that Severus knew was hidden beneath that charming smile worried him.

"You're always so critical," Lily said affectionately. In that way, he thought, nothing really had changed. She had always said that he was mean, cruel and quick to dislike people when they had been at Hogwarts. He still remembered Hogwarts, though he could see no way to get back. He wondered, as Lily fell asleep, if maybe it had just been a very intense dream. In many ways, it didn't matter. Whatever it was, he was helpless and had no way of changing his situation. His father didn't mind him reading all the books in the library, so he didn't miss the library at Hogwarts too much, though sadly here there was no magic. He had tried to levitate something using just his mind, remembering how he had been able to do so as a child, but nothing had happened. He was with Lily, which made everything better. His mother and sisters appeared to be ridiculously silly, but they were still an improvement on the parents he'd had in Cokeworth. The house, despite the lack of mod cons, was a considerably pleasanter place to live in than the house in Spinner's End that he'd grown up in. So all in all, despite the strange situation and the fact that he appeared to be back in time, Severus was actually a lot more sanguine about it than he really should have been.

His temper was tested when Lily was invited by Potter's sister to dine with her, and their mother sent her to Netherfield on horseback in the rain. Lily had accepted this sadly, but Severus had argued against this for hours, and proceeded to glare at the rain once Lily had left. He was summarily furious when they received a letter informing them that she had fallen ill as a consequence of the rain, and further annoyed by the fact that their mother had been delighted at the news as it suited her match-making efforts.

In a fury, once the rain had eased, he set out to Netherfield himself, walking angrily through the mud and muttering a selection of curses that good young ladies should not know, but that bad boys from Cokeworth were perfectly fluent in. He wished he had access to magic, or even the chance to make some potions. He kept his eyes out for any useful ingredients, but there was not much available. Feverfew was the only exception and he picked that to take with him in the hope that he might be able to make something useful from it. Visiting an ill Lily was definitely preferable to staying in the same room with their mother or having to listen to Kitty and Lydia witter on about the militia who had come to town (he suspected that his younger sisters had nothing between their ears). At least Mary mostly just played the piano in a miserable fashion, though occasionally she would talk too and that tended to be unbearable. Without Lily the temptation to murder his family was simply too much. Besides, he was genuinely worried about her.

A good stomp through the woodlands made Severus feel better about the world in general. The scenery was beautiful, but unfortunately for the scenery, Severus didn't care. He was so entirely focused on his trek and goal of caring for Lily that he almost walked right into Black, who was standing on the lawns of Netherfield. Black looked somewhat startled. Severus was suddenly aware that the hem of his dress was caked in mud, before drawing himself up proudly. He didn't care about the state of his hem, or what Black thought. He wouldn't mind rolling Black down a muddy hill, but that was a fantasy for later.

"I'm here to see my sister, Lily," he told Black. Black seemed to be floored, staring at him with a strange look that Severus couldn't quite make out.

"Would you escort me to her?" he asked, when Black failed to respond. He'd always considered Black to be somewhat intellectually deficient, but this implied a greater deficiency than he'd initially assumed.

"Of course," Black answered finally, proving that he was capable of both thought and speech. He led Severus into the house and Severus was extraordinarily relieved when he was finally at Lily's bedside.

The time he spent with Lily, nursing her back to health was a joy, though he would have preferred her to not be ill. Any time spent with Lily was a delight, she was simply the most lovely person he had ever met. He was glad that here they were sisters. In contrast, the time he spent with the other occupants of the house was considerably less enjoyable. Potter proved to be mildly tolerable, mainly because he mostly asked after Lily and worried over her. Black was a constant looming menace. Potter's sisters, one unmarried and one married to the possibly most boring man on the planet, were a combination of deeply insipid with a considerably overinflated sense of their own worth. He suffered through their combined company, biting down on his tongue to prevent himself being bodily removed from Netherfield. Lily was more important.


	2. Chapter 2

The peace that Severus felt upon Lily recovering and returning to Longbourn proved to be short lived. He had mostly accepted this new if entirely unexpected chapter of his life, wondering more often than not if his memories of Hogwarts were not in fact a bizarre dream. He was fairly confident that Severus was a rather masculine name to give to a girl, but he did acknowledge that their father appeared to be faintly eccentric and their mother appeared to lack anything remotely resembling common sense so it was entirely possible.

The appearance of their cousin, a Mr Pettigrew, whose arrival was announced by a letter and who proved to be an exact replica of the Peter Pettigrew (albeit older) he vaguely recalled from his Hogwarts memories, was not appreciated. The annoyance at learning that Pettigrew stood to inherit the estate after their father's death rankled with Severus, and the man himself proved to be an irritant. Severus found that he couldn't make eye contact with Lily when the man spoke, for the frequency with which he pontificated about his patron, Lady Catherine de Burgh, made them prone to giggles. He was, for the most part, harmless though. The manner in which he sucked up to those more powerful than himself disgusted Severus, who had tended to do as he pleased regardless of the consequences, but he could at the very least acknowledge that it was a sensible technique for those lacking talent or power themselves. The fact that he seemed to be entirely detached from Potter and Black meant that rather than disliking them as a group, he instead got the chance to judge Pettigrew on his own.

His judgement was not necessarily kind, but as Lily reminded him regularly, he wasn't kind. He was mean. He was sarcastic. He would never find a husband if he continued along those lines. The last one was not one he had been told in his previous existence at Hogwarts, but it was now an issue. He still felt that it was probably better to die a penniless spinster than to marry any of the men he had met so far.

His opinion of his silly sisters increased greatly after one particularly painful walk into town, where Pettigrew spoke to him constantly. Severus was entirely unaware of what the conversation was about, as it was so incredibly dull. The only thing he managed to glean from it was that Pettigrew had some kind of obsession with a woman named Lady Catherine de Burgh, and had the legal system been structured differently he might have considered reporting him to the police as a stalker. He briefly contemplated pushing Pettigrew into the river as they passed by, but held back in the knowledge that if he did so, Lily would look disappointed. She did want him to try harder with the being nice thing. He gritted his teeth and smiled in a way that he intended to be pleasant, but probably looked more like a death grimace.

Never had he been more grateful to enter a ribbon shop, than when it became apparent that Pettigrew would be leaving the sisters alone to do their shopping. He had very little interest in ribbons, but they were infinitely more interesting than anything that came out of Pettigrew's mouth. When Lupin entered the ribbon shop with a man named Denny that Lydia clearly knew, Severus's heart sank. He'd just escaped Pettigrew, only to find himself face to face with the final Marauder. It was the literal definition of unfair.

Politely, whilst simultaneously fantasising about hogtying Lupin with ribbons, Severus accepted the introductions. Lupin was with the militia, which rather explained the military uniform. Sadly, the militia were stationed nearby, which both greatly reduced the chances of Lupin being killed in a war and greatly increased the chances that they would meet again. To his disgust, Lupin proved to be surprisingly pleasant, even charming, in addition to rather handsome. Mentally, Severus shoved a roll of ribbon into his mouth and tried not to consider that Lupin was possibly the nicest of the Marauders. It wasn't exactly glowing praise, given how low his opinion of them all was.

His horror at the day only increased when they stepped out of the shop, Lupin smiling in an obnoxiously friendly manner beside him, to see Potter and Black on horseback. Even with Pettigrew nowhere in sight, three Marauders were far too many for Severus's liking. But then again, one Marauder was one too many, so once again as Lily had repeatedly told him, he was undoubtably being unfair. Lupin was, Lily had insisted back at Hogwarts, tolerable when alone. Severus didn't personally think that tolerable when alone was a particularly glowing endorsement, but he also did feel that Lupin lacked any positive features whatsoever so Lily was still being kinder than him.

However, to his surprise, Lupin and Black appeared to be giving each other looks that hinted at a certain enmity. Potter's attention was entirely fixated on Lily, so an anachronistic nuclear warhead could have been detonated up his arse and he would no doubt be none the wiser. Potter and Black, to his relief and Lily's disappointment, did not stay to make conversation, though Potter did not seem to be the one to make the decision. Presumably if Potter made any decisions they would involve gazing longingly at Lily. Severus found his opinion of Lupin increasing, along with a faint thrill of interest. He wondered what it was that lay between Black and Lupin, what it was that had transpired to lead to such a reaction. Either way, it would appear that Lupin might work as an anti-Black charm, which was always beneficial.

The reason, Severus was to discover at a small party hosted by one of their neighbours a few days after their first meeting. He was wearing his hair in a rather elegant braid, and was now rather proud of how good he had become at styling it. His dress was modest but perfectly attractive. Lily was still the most beautiful of the sisters by far, but Severus felt confident in himself. He had never felt pretty before, in his Hogwarts existence. Having managed to foist Pettigrew off onto an unsuspecting group playing whist, Lupin had taken a seat by him and they had begun a surprisingly pleasant conversation.

"Miss Severus Snape," Lupin said with his easy-going smile that only made Severus want to shove him into an industrial sized blender slightly, "You do look charming tonight,"

Severus blushed. It was an unfortunate subconscious reaction. Lupin, he accepted, was potentially alright when alone. He thought he was being positively generous in admitting as much.

In an effort to distract Lupin, he asked as casually and politely as he could, "Tell me, Mr Lupin, but I couldn't help but notice the way you looked at Mr Black the other day. Do forgive my prying, but do you have history?"

Any malicious gossip about Black was undoubtably worth hearing, and he would gladly be called charming by Lupin whilst hearing it.

Lupin looked away sadly, a distant expression on his face. With a sigh, he said, "I've known him since birth. We were practically brothers. My father was his steward, you see. The old Mr Black was a great man, kind and wise. He loved me as if I were his own son. His actual son, on the other hand…"

He trailed off, almost as if he were unwilling to speak ill of Black. Severus nearly snarled in frustration, but luckily Lupin continued.

"Tell me, are you much acquainted with the man?" he asked.

"No," Severus replied bluntly, "Barely spoken more than a handful of words to him since he arrived on the scene the other month. He hasn't exactly been making himself popular, what with being a stuck up knob,"

Lupin gave a laugh at that, and continued with his tale of woe, "Of course, when his father died all of the inheritance I had been promised, the career… Well his son refuse to honour those promises. Jealous I presume. Turned me out with nothing to my name before his father was even cold in the ground,"

Severus smiled gleefully. That was rather nasty of Black. He was however somewhat disappointed when Lupin added, "Of course, I do not like it to get around too much what he did. His social standing is far superior to mine. But rest assured his presence here will not chase me away. Should he wish to avoid me, then he can do so freely,"

It was the only thing of any interest to happen during the entire party. When they were at home again, Severus gleefully told Lily every detail. Lily was suitably horrified at how cruel and ungentlemanly Black was.

"Oh, that can't be true," she protested, "He's arrogant and unpleasant, but surely he can't be that bad? Severus, how can you be so certain that Mr Lupin isn't embellishing the truth?"

Severus didn't need any help to think nasty thoughts about Black, though he did point out in a manner that he considered to be quite sensible, "What reason would he have to make anything up? He gave clear, precise details. It seems entirely likely to me,"

The next party proved to be a ball at Netherfield, hosted to his younger sisters' delight by Potter. Severus was almost starting to enjoy the balls, as well as the chance to dress up in his finery. It was not a thought he had previously considered it likely he would ever have, but when he had been a student at Hogwarts a lot had been different. He was now fairly well adjusted to his new life, and it was only his lingering wariness to the Marauders that remained. Even that had mostly faded, as both Potter and Lupin had proven themselves to be relatively inoffensive, and Pettigrew whilst being deeply irritating was entirely unthreatening. Black was the only one that really held his dislike, but it was a safe dislike. He felt no threat from Black anymore, which was helpful.

This ball proved to be rather disappointing, for all the grand decor. Severus's hair was in a truly elegant style, with ribbons and beads, which he was really rather proud of. If he had to judge, he would say it was most definitely pretty. Potter was a gracious host, and almost obnoxiously polite to Severus. Mostly, his attentions were entirely focused on the arduous task of being hopelessly in love with Lily.

The entire militia had been invited, so Severus looked around the rooms hopeful of finding Lupin. With Lupin beside him he would likely be able to avoid Black, as well as potentially hearing more vindictive scraps of information. As it transpired, however, Lupin had not appeared, despite his fighting words. It was almost strange how disappointed Severus found himself feeling at that realisation.

The party having proved itself to be thus lacking, the dancing got off to a bad start with Severus having to dance with Pettigrew. Pettigrew was not by nature a graceful dancer, and Severus longed to batter him to death with the cello being played by one of the band members. Sadly, no one was aware of his impressive self-restraint so no one complimented him on it. He did however get many sympathetic glances from Lily, who was being monopolised by Potter. At least, Severus thought bitterly as his foot was trodden on, Potter was a better dancer.

Whilst avoiding any further dances with Pettigrew, he took the opportunity to tell Charlotte what Lupin had told him. At the end of a positively malicious rant about Black that Charlotte bore remarkably well, Black had the audacity to appear and ask him to dance. Severus was so shocked, that he found himself agreeing.

He briefly considered launching himself bodily out of the window in an effort to avoid this task, but ultimately decided that it was probably best to simply suffer through it. He wouldn't have minded launching Black bodily out the window as an alternative, but he rationalised that he probably didn't have the physical strength required. He had survived the dances with Pettigrew. Black proved to be a considerably better dancer, which at least Severus's feet appreciated. The rest of the ball continued to be dire, and for the first time Severus was actually glad to go home.

That night he complained at great length to Lily about his deep dislike for both Black and Pettigrew. Lily rolled her eyes at his petty comments, but was grateful that he had nothing particularly mean to say about Potter. Lily did seem to be rather enchanted by Potter, and Severus was reluctantly accepting that maybe Potter wasn't too bad. Black was clearly a bad influence. Potter at the very least was capable of being polite and seemed to be kind to Lily. He was rich and made Lily happy, so maybe he would make an adequate husband for her. If only there was a way to separate him from Black, that would be a definite improvement.

The next morning proved to be possibly the worst one of his life thus far. Having spent the last few days mostly zoning every single word Pettigrew ever spoke out, he found himself being ushered into a one on one conversation with him by his mother in the drawing room. This indicated that he might actually have to listen for once, an experience that would no doubt be painful.

"My dear Cousin Severus," Pettigrew started, to Severus's abject horror. He was most definitely not anyone's dear, and especially not Pettigrew's.

"I'm sure that my attentions and intentions have been quite clear to you," he continued, to which Severus could honestly answer that they really weren't, mainly due to the fact that he had ignored Pettigrew so thoroughly that he wasn't entirely sure what the man had done except tread on Severus's poor feet.

"And I find myself quite certain of your feelings," Pettigrew told him. That gave Severus a brief moment of hope, as that did greatly increase the chances of Pettigrew setting himself on fire, though personally Severus would rather he did it outside the house as it would be a nuisance if the house burnt down. Unfortunately, it transpired that Pettigrew was not actually as certain of Severus's feelings as he believed, and Severus was sorely disappointed when rather than dying in a grisly manner Pettigrew started listing his reasons for marriage.

"I do feel that one in my position should really be married, and as a consequence it would only be fitting for me to do so. Given that after your father's death I shall inherit this rather fine estate, I do believe it to be good of me to chose my bride from my dear lady cousins. Lady Catherine de Burgh has so encouraged me to seek a wife, and I would hate to disappoint my patron," Pettigrew said, to Severus's confusion.

"I am sure you will be a perfectly adequate wife for me," Pettigrew finished. Severus felt he deserved some credit for not throwing up on Pettirgrew's shoes at the realisation that he was being proposed to.

"What, wait, no?" he said inelegantly, his mind unhelpfully providing a horror-film-esque depiction of what his future life as Mrs Pettigrew might look like. Realistically, he admitted, it would last an hour maximum, as he would undoubtably kill either Pettigrew or himself out of tedium.

Pettigrew frowned slightly at this, before continuing, "I do of course know that young ladies such as yourself like to toy with a man's affections, saying no initially only to hide your own deep love,"

Severus moved further away from Pettigrew, who was now kneeling on the floor.

"No, no, no. Hell no, there is nothing on this earth that could possibly convince me to marry you, you odious prick," Severus said more clearly now. That seemed to get the message across, and Severus fled the room.

As he opened the door to make his undignified escape, it became apparent that his mother and sisters had all been eavesdropping through the door. His mother was deeply distressed by his response, which Severus did not regret in the slightest. He wanted to return to his life at Hogwarts now, where there was no chance of him marrying Pettigrew. Lydia and Kitty were laughing hysterically, and Lily was trying her best not to be too obvious in her amusement at Severus's manner of turning down the proposal. It was possibly not quite as lady-like as would be ideal, but Severus probably wasn't going to be winning any awards for most ladylike woman of the year anyway. It wasn't normally taught to teenage boys.

He hid away in his father's study as his mother rushed hysterically around the house. She attempted repeatedly to get him to change his mind to accept Pettigrew's proposal, but Severus was resolute. To his immense relief, his father appeared to agree that Pettigrew was a braindead insipid excuse for a human being and fully supported his decision not to become his bride.


	3. Chapter 3

Severus was horrified the next day when Kitty and Lydia returned from a gossip-gathering shopping trip to town bearing the news that Charlotte Lucas, who until that moment he'd considered to be a relatively sensible woman, had agreed to marry Pettigrew. His younger sisters seemed amused at the news, giggling in delight. This was possibly through sadism, as they'd spent enough time with Pettigrew to have an idea of how unbelievably boring he was, and the thought of anyone being subjected to that by willingly marrying him struck Severus as a particularly cruel existence.

"But why?" he asked Lily in confusion later, when they were alone.

She patiently continued embroidering, saying only, "Just because you don't like him doesn't mean he may not be perfectly suitable for another woman,"

"Why would anyone willingly subject themselves to having to listen to his conversation on a regular basis? He's the most boring man on the planet," Severus insisted, pacing around the room in annoyance. He didn't want to think too much about the way in which he felt slightly offended that within such a short span of time Pettigrew had gone from begging for his hand in marriage to proposing to someone else. He didn't want Pettigrew's affections, but it was still a bit of a wound to his pride that Pettigrew had moved on seemingly within a matter of hours.

"You can be so harsh in your judgements, Severus," Lily chastised gently, her warm green eyes providing a subtle rebuke, "People can be better than your first impression of them, but you so rarely give them a chance. One day you may regret your overly hasty judgements. You aren't always right, you know,"

Severus glared at her and flopped inelegantly down in a chair, arms crossed and sulking. Lily, being perfectly used to his antics, continued her stitching with no comment. Severus grumpily considered whether or not Lily's judgement could be considered sound in such matters, given that she appeared to be in love with Potter. He considered this. Potter, he would admit, grudgingly and probably only under actual torture, was slightly more appealing. Pettigrew was obnoxious, self-important and dull. Potter was at least aesthetically pleasing and rich. He supposed, even more grudgingly and feeling as if he'd probably rather have his toenails removed with pliers than admit it to anyone, that this incarnation of Potter was potentially a reasonably decent person, unlike the Potter he remembered from Hogwarts (or his bizarre dream, he hadn't quite figured out what it was, the only thing he knew for certain was that he was stuck where he was and there was nothing he could do about it).

His reluctant endorsement was put to test not long after the unpleasant realisation by Lily receiving a letter from Potter's sister. He'd had two, Severus vaguely recalled, but if his life depended on telling them apart he'd still just have to hope and point at random. She, in words that Severus quickly judged to be snooty, informed Lily that the entire party had left Netherfield and were heading to London with little chance of ever returning. She had included a fantastically cruel reference to Black's younger sister, who she clearly hoped her brother would marry. This young Regulus was apparently a wonder so amazing that the sun virtually shone out of her arse, though Severus was admittedly paraphrasing.

"He doesn't love me," Lily said sadly, "See, Caroline is kindly letting me know that he is indifferent at best to me,"

She looked so forlorn that Severus's heart almost broke. He couldn't quite believe the words he was about to say, and a part of him rather wished there were more pleasant options like disembowelling, but for Lily's sake he ploughed forward.

"No, Caroline Potter is a cow. A vindictive, jealous cow. Mr Potter almost certainly loves you, given the ridiculous expression on his face whenever he lays eyes on you, and besides any man who doesn't love you is obviously just plain wrong. She has seen this and has stolen him away to try and make him change his mind for some petty little reason I cannot fathom," he said firmly. It may not have been the most generous manner of convincing her, but she seemed to appreciate it nonetheless.

"I don't want to believe that she could be so nasty," Lily said reluctantly, putting the letter down with a sigh.

"Well I do," Severus said with absolutely no shame. He had no problem believing the worst of people. Generally speaking, he ended up vindicated so he felt no reason to stop, "Go to London to visit our aunt and uncle, and then call on them. Mr Potter will be delighted and it'll be a nice little up yours to the snooty Miss Potter,"

Lily frowned at his slightly vulgar turn of phrase, but ultimately over the course of a few days he won and she was sent off to London.

Once she'd left, Severus realised to his horror that he was now left alone with the rest of his sisters, none of whom understood sarcasm or words longer than two syllables. His father, quite sensibly, had sequestered himself away in his study. Severus did not have that luxury, though he did attempt to hide away in corners to read any books he could. Was he too harsh in his judgements, he wondered to himself, again and again, the thoughts going round in circles. He wasn't that bad, surely. Despite his misgivings, he actually rather liked Lupin who had proved to be a rather nice chap. He was giving Potter the full benefit of the doubt. Charlotte he had forgiven for the dreadful bad taste of marrying Pettigrew, as he accepted that maybe she could see no alternative and everyone had to do what they felt was necessary for survival. Black was a dick, he'd had that confirmed enough that he felt it was effectively fact and Pettigrew truly was boring. He felt he was being almost generous in his assessments of everyone's character. Lily was just too nice, he decided.

Lupin and two of his chums, the ones that Kitty and Lydia kept squealing over whose names Severus had never paid much attention to, paid a visit to Longbourn, to everyone's delight and Severus was quite pleased to see that Lupin was a continuing to be a reasonably decent person. So much for him being too hasty in his judgements, he thought proudly. Everyone liked Lupin. He was the best Marauder. After Lupin's rather engaging conversation, much of it about how much of an awful person Black was, Severus was even feeling generous enough to rate Potter as a close second in the all-time rankings of the Marauders. If Lily liked him then maybe with some guidance he would be a good husband for her. If he wasn't, Severus could always saw off all his limbs. Severus supposed, if he had no other choice, he probably wouldn't mind marrying Lupin too much. He was easy to look at and the conversation was pleasant. Clearly Black was a dark influence, but on his own Lupin was a decent person.

It was under this firm belief that he was considerably nicer than Lily gave him credit for that he set off for Kent, to visit Charlotte and her new husband Peter Pettigrew. At least Charlotte tended to provide decent conversation and the most he was getting was whenever he happened to meet Lupin, so Severus was rather looking forward to that. He was not looking forward to Pettigrew, but there was always a chance that he and Charlotte would be able to hack him up and bake him into a pie. Unlikely, but Severus did like to look on the bright side of things. Lily just didn't appreciate his particular brand of optimism. Besides, he'd never been to Kent and was only vaguely aware of where it was so the chance to see a new place was at least moderately interesting.

He travelled with Charlotte's father and sister, who he rated as mildly irritating and faintly insipid. Luckily, this meant that once they arrived at the parsonage where the Pettigrews lived, Severus was able to monopolise Charlotte, leaving her relatives to be shown the garden by Pettigrew. He had already been forced to listen to far too much about Lady Catherine de Bourgh and the wonderful Rosings Park, even despite his best efforts at tuning every single word Pettigrew ever uttered out.

"He does seem rather enthusiastic about the garden," Severus commented, as he stood with Charlotte in a quiet parlour.

"Yes," Charlotte replied, "And I do like to encourage him,"

"Very important to encourage healthy living," Severus agreed, sharing a shadow of a smile with her.

"You know, I really am quite content," Charlotte admitted, and Severus was surprised that he was faintly happy for her. He would not want her life for his own, but that she had managed to carve out an existence that she found tolerable gave him some hope of not dying in a ditch.

"We regularly dine at Rosings," she warned him.

"So, I shall finally meet the great Lady Catherine de Bourgh," he mused, "However am I to bear the excitement. I feel quite giddy with joy that I may finally bask in her presence,"

"I'm sure you will survive to be another devotee of our kind patron," Charlotte answered, her voice as dry as his own.

He managed to survive. Pettigrew wittered on and on at far more length than anyone ever needed to about the windows of Rosings as they walked up the drive. Severus had never before cared less about windows. Why anyone cared how many windows a house had or how much they cost was honestly beyond him. Unfortunately, sarcasm flew right over Pettigrew's head, much like most things, so every attempt by Severus to put an end to the conversation merely encouraged him more whilst simultaneously leading to Charlotte nearly choking to death with repressed laughter.

Lady Catherine proved to be a lady with a rather high opinion of herself, which set Severus's teeth on edge. Watching Pettigrew interact with her made him feel faintly queasy, and it was quite disappointing that no one rewarded him for how polite he acted. Being looked down on had always annoyed him, and Lady Catherine appeared to consider everyone in the world her inferior. Respect was something people had to earn, being born into a rich and powerful family did not make her any better than him.

"Do you have brothers or sisters?" she asked in her condescending manner.

"I'm the second of five sisters," Severus told her, now quite used to this fact. This news did not appear to impress Lady Catherine much, but then again he didn't think there was anything he could say or do that would.

"And how many of them are out?" she asked, a question that Severus understood to be referring to how many of them had been presented to society. In his vague memories of Hogwarts, the idea of being 'out' meant something entirely different.

"All of them," he said with a smile and received a suitably horrified look from Lady Catherine. Pettigrew, he was rather pleased to note, look rather uncomfortable at the manner in which he was talking to Lady Catherine. There almost certainly wasn't enough grovelling going on for his liking, but Severus despised grovelling.

"All of them?" she exclaimed, "How old is the youngest? All of you out with the elder sisters not even married?"

Severus shrugged, "Lydia is fifteen, but really I don't think it would be fair for her to not be out. She'd be frustrated at having to wait just because the rest of us haven't got married yet, and she's of the temperament to do as she pleases. It would be a constant struggle leading to bad tempers,"

Judging by her facial expression, this was probably the first time in her long life that anyone had actually disagreed with Lady Catherine. It was probably good for her, Severus thought spitefully. While Mary would undoubtedly be perfectly happy never venturing out into society and spending all her time with her piano or Bible, Lydia would most definitely not. Kitty too loved balls and followed with delight every one of Lydia's silly ideas. They might be very silly girls, Severus thought with a hint of affection, and prone to being faintly embarrassing, but they were his younger sisters and he felt rather protective of them. He wanted them to be happy. It was a strange sensation, he'd never really felt that way about anyone other than Lily before. He quite liked it.

The one joy of what proved to be regular trips to Rosings Park was that Severus caught a glimpse of Lady Catherine's daughter, Bellatrix. Lupin had mentioned that Black was expected to marry her. Lady Catherine had described her as unfortunately sickly, though innately talented. Severus had felt her face to be in an expression permanently showing disdain towards the world along with a certain cruelty. The idea of her marrying Black made him want to laugh, though he managed to restrain himself until he was alone in bed so he didn't have to explain himself to anyone. The idea of the two of them marrying promised to provide them both with a lifetime of misery, and Severus was perfectly happy admitting that he took pleasure in thinking of their shared suffering. Being nice to unpleasant people was a waste of time. Far better to enjoy any minuscule hint of misfortune that might befall them. Surely that was an optimistic way of looking at the world, even if it wasn't necessarily kind.

As if spending time in the presence of Lady Catherine and Pettigrew on a regular basis wasn't bad enough, the sole pleasure of spending some time with the reasonable sensible Charlotte was further ruined by Pettigrew excitedly informing them that both Black and his cousin, a Colonel Narcissa Black, were also visiting. Pettigrew was so excited at the news Severus genuinely thought there was a chance he would wet himself.

Bad things happen to good people, Severus tried to console himself, before remembering that he probably didn't count as a very good person. To make matters worse, the Blacks had the audacity to call on them at the parsonage, so Severus didn't have time to consider a method of getting out of meeting them, like faking his own death. However, to his surprise, Colonel Narcissa Black appeared to be a very pleasant man. Whilst Black sat in the parlour and effectively ignored them all, a looming, menacing dark cloud, Narcissa cheerfully sat by Severus and made conversation. Severus wondered why Black had indeed bothered to call on them, given that he was demonstrating the social graces and conversational ability of a three day old corpse.

"Miss Severus, it is truly a delight to finally meet you," Narcissa said with a smile, "I have heard so much about you,"

"And yet you describe our meeting as a delight?" Severus asked, certain that not only did normal people actively not want to meet him, but that the only person who could have told Narcissa anything would be Black and therefore there was no chance of anything remotely positive. As they talked, Narcissa proved to be entertaining and witty, which Severus was rather delighted to discover. She likewise seemed to be rather pleased by having someone to talk to, given that her aunt was not keen on the concept of other people having opinions and Black appeared to have taken a vow of silence. Unfortunately, Severus could feel Black staring at him, which was truly an uncomfortable experience. He kept glancing up and finding that intense gaze fixed on him, and was certain that he'd be having nightmares about Black murdering him in his sleep. The alternative was of course that Black actually was going to murder him in his sleep, but Severus rather hoped not. It was one of those things that made nightmares seem considerably more attractive. When Black stood up to approach them, Severus almost flinched, but managed not to in time. Black was probably not going to murder him in a parlour surrounded by witnesses. He would just make a condescending comment. Or maybe stare at a closer distance. Severus wasn't entirely sure if he understood men.

"Are your family well?" Black asked, shocking Severus almost speechless for a moment. That was actually a polite and cordial question, if he ignored the creepy staring and the complete lack of a preface to the question. Maybe Black was dying of some exotic diseases. Severus hoped it wasn't contagious.

"They are," he replied faintly, to which Black nodded, and walked off. Severus shared a confused look with Narcissa and made a mental note to himself to ensure his bedroom window was securely closed at night.

Black's strange manner continued the next time they met, when Severus escaped Lady Catherine's presence with Narcissa to consider the piano. Given that Severus's general abilities with the piano extended no further than having a vague idea as to what a piano was, this consideration wasn't particular detailed. Luckily the conversation was interesting, so as long as they played a few notes here and there they seemed to be getting away with avoiding everyone else, at least until Black slunk into Severus's field of view and hovered over them like am ominous harbinger of doom.

"Tell me, what was my cousin like in Hertfordshire?" Narcissa asked curiously, glancing up with an amused expression at Black.

"Prepare to have your grand illusions shattered," Severus warned, determined not to let Black's presence put him off, "Because I can tell you that the first time I ever saw him it was at a ball, and despite the distinct lack of men and there being many ladies in sore need of partners, he barely danced. Is that not shockingly cruel behaviour?"

As damning depictions of Black's character went, it wasn't as bad as Severus could have said, but it was both an accurate comment and relatively polite. Severus had after all been one of the ladies with whom Black had not danced with on their first, fateful meeting.

"Ah, now that truly is heinous," Narcissa agreed, shaking his head sadly, "All those poor ladies,"

"I'm just not very good with talking to strangers," Black protested, which very nearly made Severus snort with incredulity. He caught himself just in time, as he imagined Lady Catherine would almost certainly hear and comment on how incredibly unladylike it was. The idea of Black being in any way shy or not good with talking to people was ridiculous. He oozed charm to an almost smothering degree.

"Well," Severus commented, "I'm not very good at playing the piano, but I accept that as being because I never bothered to practice,"

Black, judging by the look on his face, understood and accepted his point. The conversation might have continued along more bizarre lines, but for the first time Severus was grateful for Lady Catherine's intervention in calling Black back to her side.

The oddness of Black's behaviour showed itself again when Severus was writing an admittedly rather catty letter to Lily, in which he described the various people he had encountered in his visit, mostly in bad light. Narcissa and Charlotte were the exceptions to his critical assessments of everyone, and he had no doubt Lily would roll her eyes at some of the meaner comments. There was no one else at the parsonage, and he was rather enjoying the peace when Black invaded the house most abruptly, spoke a few words of a distracted greeting before leaving almost as abruptly. Severus was starting to get really confused. It was in this confused state that he set out for a walk to clear his head, checking carefully in case he was ambushed by Black. He wasn't, which was lucky. Even more lucky was the fact that he ran into Narcissa.

"Colonel Narcissa," he greeted him with a smile, "It's a pleasure,"

It was. Normally when he said something like that he was either being sarcastic or flat out lying, but he did actually quite enjoy Narcissa's company.

"Miss Severus," Narcissa replied, "The pleasure is all mine. You are one of the bright spots of my visit,"

"Do you intend to stay long?" he asked, feeling flattered despite himself.

Narcissa shrugged, "It is entirely up to Black, I am entirely at his disposal,"

"That must be a tough situation," Severus mused as they fell into step together and walked along through the pleasant grounds.

"Oh not at all," Narcissa said, "Black is an incredibly loyal companion. Why, it was only recently that he expended a great deal of effort into helping extract one of his friends from a ghastly romantic entanglement. Are you familiar with a Mr Potter? Well, I hear that Black had to step in to save him from a dreadful match. Is that not the mark of a good, loyal friend?"

Severus almost stopped dead in his tracks, only just managing to keep himself moving forwards. Narcissa must be talking about Lily and Potter, he realised.

"Why?" he asked, "What possible reason could he have to do such a thing? Surely it isn't his place to make that kind of decision?"

Narcissa looked a little taken aback by Severus's reaction, but explained calmly, "I believe there was a substantial issue with the lady herself, as well as her family. So he gallantly took it upon himself to save his friend,"

Severus swallowed down his anger as best he could, surprised by how hurt he was at this realisation. Potter must truly have loved Lily, who was heartbroken at the way in which she had been so suddenly dropped. It made his blood boil to think of Black now. He was solely responsible for Lily's current suffering.

This was the reason why Severus was sulking alone at the parsonage the next day, when Black once again called on him. He was literally the last person on Earth that Severus wanted to see. He was half angry, half miserable and entirely powerless. Black paced around the room as Severus watched in annoyed confusion, remaining seated. His confusion was only heightened when Black actually started speaking.

"It's no use, I have struggled in vain and there is nothing I can do but tell you how ardently I adore you," Black started, and Severus was sure he must be hallucinating. Clearly one of them had gone mad.

"It is against all of my better judgement and yet despite of your inferior status, I am unable to fight against this any longer. Will you put me out of my misery and marry me?" he continued.

This, Severus thought vaguely, was the second proposal of marriage he'd received. It was no more savoury than the first. Black had impressively managed to insult him, which seemed rather counter-productive even had he not despised the man. It took him a few moments to be able to answer.

"I will not," he said slowly, "I have never sought your affections and owe you nothing. After all that you have done, why would you think that I would accept? You have cruelly broken my beloved sister's heart with your interference. I have heard all about your dishonourable conduct with Lupin. And finally you chose to reveal your love for me in the most insulting manner possible?"

Black looked shocked, as if he had never previously experienced rejection or even considered the possibility, "Your pride is just wounded because I acknowledge the vast disadvantages of your station," he protested, but Severus was no longer willing to listen to him.

"My pride?" he snapped, "Trust me Mr Black, there is absolutely nothing you could have said that would have convinced me to accept you, even if you had chosen to ask in a more gentlemanlike manner. I am utterly convinced that you are the last man on Earth I would willingly marry and trust me that's saying something,"

With that, Severus folded his arms and glared at Black until he left.


End file.
